Service management

Its just a few days since i finished my marketing exam. Now there is only one thing i regret about that paper and that is the fact that I cant write it again. It was five days since I had started with the exams and the nerves in the back had started to throb. I needed a massage and a trim. Nobody expects the hottest chick in the world to caress me but the least I expected was a half hour session that would act as an analgesic and make me more presentable to the outer world..

Now IIM Lucknow is supposed to be an elite institution and things associated with it are meant to be professional. The barber’s shop on the other hand belongs to the Malgudi days. The man has a fair priced service, is not too bad with the manes and engages you in pretty interesting conversation......but there is something about his crotch. Let me clarify:-

Applies water to my hair, pats it down(the hair doesn’t obey).

Picks up the scissors, advances menacingly....caresses his crotch as if comforting it that everything is ok. He would attend to it soon.

Snip snip snip, the excess hair the back of my hair has disappeared. He lets out a sigh of satisfaction. Now the rim of his underwear is adjusted to take it away from the line of attack.

“Saab yeh IODEX, MOOV sab bekar hain, hamre paas aayiye hum dekh lenge”(IODEX, MOOV etc are all useless don’t worry I will take care of you). Yeah right. I can already hear Paras pharma cringing.

“Yeh MBA main kya sikhate saab?”(What do they teach you in MBA?). Now I am expected to put that in 2 sentences. Not unlike an interview with P&G. Just that the opposition here has a blade in his hand and a scratch in his.... Some explanation offered. He doesn’t look too satisfied. Now the hand goes in with one smooth motion and acts like a bear in the thicket.

Its time for the massage. I don’t want it. I offer some flimsy excuse about my back feeling fine. Its ‘brushed off’ in a hurry. He assures me that there is nothing to worry. Its my ‘first time’ so I need not be scared. The feel of those hands on my skin.....eeeek

Now, through the 3000m lumbering and the pebble lifting in the gym, there is quite a bit of lets say ‘spare energy’ left all over the body. A bit of it in the back. Two pinches and a tug.... I resemble an Albatross on its last flight. “Please saab thoda aur bend kariye”(Please sir bend a little more)... a couple more inches and I would be saying Hiii to the ‘nether’world.

“Head massage also sir?”. What the heck.....Can as well do the Full Monty. Now this actually felt good. I decided to shut my mind off from the intermissions and just enjoy the experience. Every cell in my brain is hammered into submission. The man would make a decent crafter of Aston Martins. The cars wont mind.

The ordeal ended a while later and I paid the man and his crotch Rs.30 for the effort. “Thanks saab come again”.

My flight took off from Hyderabad an hour ago. A sense of sadness creeps in as the wheels leave the ground. Another three months huh?

I am writing this post at 30,000ft on my way back to helL. In the past six months, I have only concentrated on survival. Tried to ensure that I avoid the failure grades like the plague and touch wood(only plastic is here) I am through. The trade off is that I have zero value addition to me as a person. All escape routes are now closed. I have to stay here for another 15 months. Its time to explore new avenues and lose a few kgs.

Santa Claus is coming(has come) to town

Last day of the dreaded Term II......

Finished 5 subjects.....No chances of F/D.

Got MANAC in a couple of hours time....already have passing grades in it (or so I think).

Have studied nothing for today's paper....Am goin home baby!!!!!

Believability in me is replaced by the sight of green(nah not money this time,for no fault of mine)...Zoom..Am goin home baby!!!!

The next semester promises the return of the 'eccentric king'....Still, am goin home baby!!!

Some really nice people may be pissed with me....But am goin home baby!!

Looks like I am villan No.1 in class....Well....am goin home baby!

A Merry Christmas and a Happy new year........

:)

Role Model?

Remember those essays you wrote back in school?

We were asked to write about our favorite vacations, movie stars, some current day happening or if the teacher chose to be morose(most do), your role model. The distribution would go as follows:-

Dad/Mom - 20%
Mahatma Gandhi/Subash Chandra Bose/Sachin Tendulkar - 60%
Abraham Lincoln/Florence Nightingale/Winston Churchill - 10%
Somebody else(chosen by losers/diligent souls often resulted in shoddy/classy work) - 5%

The rest.... We chose not to submit. In the seventh grade, I was asked to submit one such essay. Non compliance meant a march to the principals office. Now this was nothing new but I had to make the effort as Mum had an audience with the stern lady only a week earlier. The aftermath of these meetings got worse with an increase in frequency. I decided to write. I submitted 2000 words on how Adolf Hitler was my role model. I just wanted to be different, did not take into account the sensitivities involved. I tried to justify murder in the name of nationalism and drew parallels between him and a man whose face is on every bill of value. Mum got her usual call from school(a pity they did not have buddy cards those days) and freaked.

I realised the extent it affected her when a month back she mentioned to me that she really thought I would end up as a terrorist. She told me of nights she couldn't sleep until she heard the turn of the key. My parents knew I stole the car each night and the service station let them know the nature of its usage. They never complained, afraid of exacerbating the issue. Now I am no proponent of morality but there is a line even I wouldn't cross.... I just feel sorry for them, especially mum who tends to take things very personally. She manufactures missiles by profession but is really the glue of the entire household. She is not keeping too well these days and her husband stays a holiday away, her elder son is lost in his own world and the younger is just 13.

Wouldn't mind trying out on those essays again but the lot I write here, well.....