I believe...

"...The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it... "

Ok now lets be clear, I scored a 7.00 GPA in my second term. My lowest grade until now has been B- (MANAC I). I have never come close to flunking out in any subject. Something I would have classified as impossible as I joined this place. I am starting to feel a part of the system. I guess I have always felt that CAT was a fluke, and I didn't deserve this place. I do not think so now. I am as good as anyone if not better. I believe I will not flunk out come helL or high water. I feel scared....

My most prized acheivement in life is 'Dreams', the training initiative I started in college. I was the Director(Software Engineering). Sounds pompous???..... I felt it. I felt utter despair every Sunday morning when there was no work to do. Each day of work was a thrill. Each hour a new challenge. I enjoy it most when people prophesies my failure. I loved it when they all bit dust. I am scared, I will end up as a business analyst.

It is not the money, you know. It is about power, the sense of an extremely high internal locus of control; the belief that you have the capacity to change. A heightened state of things. Yes, it also felt amazing when you know that 25% of any revenue that arrives is yours. I felt proud when I could take Sanju's family out for dinner. I could buy my own phone and pay the first instalment of the fees at helL. I am scared, I will get a great shorlist in the final placements.

I am scared of getting integrated with the system..... of exceling in it ...... of liking it. I am willing to risk it all. I want my breath of fresh air. I will never score a 7.00 again, not that it didn't feel good; just that it is a cardinal waste. I will do anything it takes. Even Economics.

How did you do it Neo?

My mid-terms begin in 38hrs. I have 8 subjects in 6 days. This is the territory of the 'eccentric king'. Am not really bothered.

I believe...

Transaction Analysis

Now here is some food for thought... I was debating last night with chick, on why people do things the way they do it. She wanted me to contribute towards the vaccination of some stray pups on campus. I refused.

My hypothesis is that people never do things unless they see something in it for them. I can define any human action with this, take a mother feeding her child for instance. I believe that she does it for two reasons:-
1) She would feel bad if she didn’t do it.
2) She derives a certain joy seeing her child eat.

If neither of these conditions were true, she just wouldn’t do it. The joy component is what we define as love, care, compassion whatever. Every human transaction can be defined in this way. I believe in the fallacy of man and base my actions on it.

The concepts of heaven and hell.....again my take on the topic is that men created the concept to create order, to avoid chaos and to implement justice. Now lets assume you are above the law (say like the kings in the olden days), what incentive was there to keep you in check? Guess what the wise men came up with......

I also created a model a couple of days back, on how men do everything in life to satisfy their carnal needs. With whom, How often, How long and in What setting they do it are the only variables one attempts to influence...

I am not too sure if I believe in god. Sure I pray to him before my MANAC exam but hate worship and religion. How can a book of rules(guidelines as some choose to see it) written a couple of millennia back be relevant?

I believe that the hypocrisy in me is inherited. My dad has this concept of offering a vadamala (A garland made out of vadas) to Lord Hanuman if some wish is satisfied. Does the Lord(no offence meant to him) offer dad a single peanut if his need is not met?. Bad transaction, but my dad believes it is good, cause he derives some moral strength out of it. He can offload his worries to the one above and always have someone to blame if it goes wrong. I guess this is the fees, he is paying to avail the service.

Now I am seen upon as being selfish. Let me set the record straight. I would never do transaction analysis when I am executing an action. It is just a belief. As any other human being, I do rely mostly on instinct and my doings are a result of the same. What I do believe in is ‘gratitude’. But then again....that is a fallacious concept given its origin.

Am I perverted, a resounding YES!!, but so are YOU.

Think about it....